One blog post down and I had already admitted defeat. It’s not that I didn’t want to write or didn’t have a million ideas going through the hamster wheel I call my brain. I had topics prepared, witty headlines dancing in my head and plenty of topics I wanted to discuss—but I didn’t. Two months after my first blog post and I had bupkis (nothing for all you not familiar with Yiddish). And my excuses for not writing we’re pathetic at best. I had a mindless job where I was surrounded by people who liked to exert the least amount of effort possible while holding steady at a middle manager level. I was easily able to get my work done by noon and have the rest of the day to blog my heart out. I wasn’t very ‘active’ after work either. In an attempt to save money, I cancelled my gym pass and have been immobile since. I usually spent my evenings on my couch after cooking a quick meal watching hours and hours of television; I considered my tv schedule a second job of sorts. So I really had NO excuse not to blog. So why hadn’t I? I have always said that writing is one of my passions and what a better way to express that in my very own blog. I could say what I want, when I wanted and best of all it’s free therapy! I think the reason I haven’t is because I’m scared of putting my words and feelings out there in a public forum. Even though I am the only one reading this blog, it’s scary to put it out there in the universe. And as a perfectionist I don’t want just any run of the mill blog, I want a great blog. My fear of failing stopped me from doing what I love. I really hope this insecurity stuff is a twenties thing because I don’t know how much longer I can handle it. All I can do now is start fresh. Start writing. Start blogging. Start Being. Instead of worrying about failing or worrying about the direction my life is heading or worrying about worrying, I’m just going to start writing and follow through with it. That’s all I can do for today.
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